Last night I listened to an episode of the podcast Not Another Dog and Pony Show in which Sarah Stremming and podcast hosts Lauren Fraser and Matthias Lenz discussed the ethics of competing in sports with animals and the importance of examining our own values when it comes to this endeavor. These are topics I feel strongly about (as you likely know, if you’ve been following me for any length of time) and I highly recommend giving this a listen!
Meanwhile, I’ve been thinking quite a lot about my own values lately, because well, a puppy will do that to you. This puppy has certainly given me lots of opportunity to reflect on what I value and how that plays out in the way I strive to interact with her every day.
For one thing, I value abundance — which is short hand in my mind for a belief that life is good, we are safe, there is more than enough for everyone, and things work out as intended. In relation to Spire, I feel I’m embodying this value when I am unhurried and unworried about our journey. When I allow my concerns to flow through me without attaching to them or labeling her. When I find myself genuinely appreciating what she CAN do more than I’m obsessing about what she can’t.
For another, I value realness — as in, embracing the messy imperfection living beings bring to the table. That means when I’m feeling really discouraged about the puppy on any given evening, I remind myself I haven’t been sleeping much and I’m really f’ing tired. It means I’m putting a lot of conscious effort into not getting upset every time Spire barks, because she needs that space to be who she is without me over-reacting. It means letting go of so many moments where things have not gone just so.
Lastly, I’ve been reminded repeatedly that I value relationships that lack conflict. Because it would be EASY to find myself in conflict with Spire when she’s biting me, running away with a sock, being obnoxious towards Zi, etc, etc. Punishment is a paradigm I was raised in, and (to state it extremely bluntly) violence comes naturally to me. So it’s a choice I make over and over again to do this differently.
I’ve had this puppy long enough to see she won’t be one to back down from a fight — she is a tough little thing, which is as she should be! It’s my responsibility to nurture a relationship that isn’t a fight, one that doesn’t invite or rely on conflict. Not necessarily because conflict would impact our success in agility — I see plenty of successful teams functioning with some level of conflict in their connection — but because I. Don’t. Want. It.
That’s it. That’s all. And that’s enough. This is what values are — us choosing consciously how we want our experience to be, then setting out to create it.
I’m not trying to imply my way is better than anyone else’s. I’m just trying to create an experience with my dogs which authentically delights, satisfies, and fulfills me. And yes, I want THAT for you, too.
